


Hurt People (The Blue)

by nabicnvs



Series: Bits of Crimson and Blue [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Blood Kink, Blood and Injury, Blowjobs, Dubious Consent, Jinyoung-centric for the most of it, M/M, Mentions of marriage, Self-Harm, Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, Violence, Voyeurism, boss!jinyoung, jackbeom fluff and angst, ocs are mentioned and implied, slight somnophilia, some stalking if you can call it like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26255719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nabicnvs/pseuds/nabicnvs
Summary: It's all linked to the river, Jinyoung realises. It's all about blue sky and bloody ground. It's about a blue yukata and a blue butterfly Jinyoung wishes he could chase once more. He knows Jaebeom will forgive him for what happened next to the beautiful river, but he is not sure Jaebeom will ever forgive him for all the bad he has done to him, for the people he hurt, Jaebeom included.Is it really love Jinyoung needs? He doesn't know, but he continues to seek that, desperately, obsessively, abusively. He scars himself and the others just to apologise for scars. In the end he finds it, not the thing he wants, but that he needs.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Jackson Wang, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang
Series: Bits of Crimson and Blue [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907374
Kudos: 35





	Hurt People (The Blue)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the promised sequel for Hardest to Love aka things get a bit more complicated
> 
> tw // blood, violence, injuries, voyeurism, non-consensual stuff (very light though), somnophilia (slight), sex and nsfw content
> 
> please, if any of those stuff make you uncomfortable, don't read!
> 
> also, if anyone wants music to listen to while reading this, I can recommend you bibi - i'm good at goodbyes, prison sex by tool for the sex parts and let me out/inspiration by jonghyun! at least those were what I listened to while writing this for the most part. 
> 
> p.s.: I'll leave a brief explication of some words at the end  
> p.s.2: I tried beta-ing this for the most part, but it may still contain mistakes/inaccuracies, so you can feel free to point them out if you notice them <3

Jinyoung  _ could  _ return to the untouched cups of already cooled down tea from his room, but he would probably launch his feet to throw the whole table around. That meant he would break expensive and beautiful cups and the elegant kettle he had from the Lim family. Not that he cared too much about it in general, however, the broken kettle would break Jaebeom’s heart since it was a gift from Jaebeom's mother. And did Jinyoung really want to get rid of the object in such a way? No. Even though  _ Jaebeom fucking deserved it _ . 

Why couldn't Jaebeom just love Jinyoung back? And how come he suddenly loved  _ Jackson  _ so much? Should Jinyoung just send Jackson to death? Because he damn well could. But Jackson was one of the most skilled men of Jinyoung's, and he had nothing personal with Jackson. Jackson has always been so loyal to Jinyoung, the boss almost considered him his friend. So, no, Jinyoung would rather not send Jackson to his death. He, out of them all, didn't deserve it. But Jaebeom? Jinyoung believed that Jaebeom deserved hell. Still, Jinyoung was too fucking in love with Jaebeom to  _ ever  _ do something bad to him. 

Instead of his room, Jinyoung chose to go bathe quickly; the thought of what he did was shameful, so he had to clear up all the traces and pretend nothing happened. Plus, since no one saw him… it really meant  _ nothing happened _ . He was fine. He just had to slap himself once or twice and snap out of it. Then he’ll be fine. He had to. 

In just a bathrobe, he decided to go treat himself with something to alleviate his heartache and to numb his mind, at least for tonight. He didn’t mind Dr. Choi who was there too, washing the expensive cups and the kettle Jinyoung should have had tea in. 

Jinyoung thought that his internalised jealousy and anger would go well with a large transparent glass he placed on the table. With a sigh, he filled half of it with ice. Then took out an old scotch bottle, meeting Dr. Choi’s raised eyebrow. That didn't make Jinyoung stop in his tracks, he opened it and poured himself some, all under the Doctor's curious (and worried) gaze. 

Speaking of Dr. Choi… he was a kind man who always cared about Jinyoung in his own way. Maybe they weren't the closest of friends, especially ever since he gave up working into a real hospital in order to help Jinyoung. Of course, the pay was excellent, but it didn't make up for the guilt that came once with it most of the time. The doctor sometimes would play psychiatrist with whoever needed it out of Jinyoung's men, as a lot of them dealt with all kinds of trauma during their lives. And Choi was good at making people feel at least a bit better on the inside. While Jinyoung never asked for his help apart from physical injuries, maybe he could ask him now about something. Out of curiosity. 

“Tell me, doctor,” Jinyoung trailed off, placed his butt on the chair and let his hand wrap around the cold glass, “what kind of weapons or things can cause scars? Or which parts of the body are more sensitive and can end up scarred after a… minor injury, let’s say.”

The question was weird. Oddly specific, too. Dr. Choi Youngjae shook his head before taking a seat at the table right in front of Jinyoung. “What the hell do you mean, Jinyoung? And since when are  _ you  _ drinking something that’s not refined?”

“Rough night. Just tell me how I can get a scar.”

Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. The boss sounded so fucking stupid tonight, Youngjae almost wanted to take his hand and put him to sleep. Anything necessary just so he wouldn't hear this bullshit. “The worst scars are those made by fire, of course. Also, if foreign objects enter the body and surgery is required, you’d most probably end up with a scar in the wounded place. Still, I don’t understand why you’d want to-”

“Do you want a drink, Youngjae?”

“No, not really. Weren't you supposed to have tea?”

“I changed my mind.” 

“Look, I’m too tired to try and read your mind, however, I will ask you to not do anything stupid before I go to sleep. Good night, Jinyoung!”

“G’night.”

After Youngjae was gone and Jinyoung was left alone, the latter drank some more. He refilled his glass a couple of times and honestly just gazed at the glass as letting his imagination run wild. It was stupid, but he wished Jaebeom would appear out of nowhere, for no reason, and would hug him. Jinyoung wished Jaebeom could read his mind or would have a sixth sense or something, that he would simply come into the kitchen and tell Jinyoung  _ “no, don’t”  _ or  _ “stop” _ . He sighed before getting up, turning on the flame from the stove and placing the first pan he found on top of the flame. Then he poured oil in it and left it there, so the pan would get hot. 

He hesitated before he went to check on Jaebeom again, to see if he fell asleep yet. His body froze when he met Jaebeom's eyes, while Jaebeom was laying on Jackson’s chest as Jackson was already asleep. Jinyoung felt embarrassed for disturbing him at such an hour, and he really wanted to turn his back and leave as fast as possible, but how could he when Jaebeom started shifting until he messily got out of bed and fumbled with his yukata before throwing it on himself? He didn't tie it anymore, he just hurried out of the room, patiently closing the door behind him. Jaebeom was so disheveled, from his messy bangs to his position that clearly showed he had a hard time standing — which made Jinyoung have the odd desire of lifting him up and fucking him roughly against the wall just to  _ show him _ , but of course he didn’t. He and Jaebeom were friends. And their relationship was too close and too important for Jinyoung to  _ just lose himself and screw up _ . Because that meant losing Jaebeom for good. 

“Sorry I… Jinyoung, I forgot…”

Was that Jaebeom’s lame apology for not showing up to tea? Probably, and it seemed so heartless and half-assed that it made Jinyoung roll his eyes in annoyance. 

“I imagine you had  _ more important stuff  _ to do. It’s fine.” 

Jaebeom blushed visibly, aware of the fact that Jinyoung saw him with Jackson and that he saw how Jackson fell asleep  _ in Jaebeom's bed _ . “I’m really sorry, I feel so bad about it! We can have tea right now if you want to!”

“I don’t want to.” Jinyoung replied bluntly.

“You seem so mad…” Jaebeom mumbled, hands hugging himself. “And you are right to be…”

Oh, Jinyoung would have thrown a tantrum right now, especially since he had some alcohol, too. He could have pointed out all of Jaebeom's flaws just to make him feel miserable, but if he were to do that, he would increase Jaebeom's desire to run away from him. “I had some alcohol with Dr. Choi, so I’m not in the mood. Go back to your… to your boyfriend.”

“Are you mad about me and Jackson?”

Jinyoung shook his shoulders, and since he didn’t want to respond to that, he turned his back on Jaebeom and went back into the kitchen. Of course Jaebeom didn't follow… why would he when he could turn back to laying comfortably next to someone he loved, right? 

With that in mind, Jinyoung proceeded to do something  _ very stupid _ . He regretted it even as he placed his hand on the pan’s handle; he could stop and literally  _ not do it _ , but he did, because he was mad and he wanted a good reason to cry himself to sleep other than frustration. As the let the hot oil fall on one of his feet, he started regretting it even more because it fucking hurt. Despite the muffled cries and the suppressed sobs, he poured more until he finally dropped the hot pan out of his hand — he was so lucky the hot metal didn’t land on his feet as well, yet all the oil would surely let some burning scars on his skin. So it was more than enough. 

It hurt so much though… it hurt that much that Jinyoung was one step closer to grabbing a knife and peeling the burned area off, just to stop feeling that upsettingly painful burning sensation. He also cursed a lot, mostly at himself for doing something so fucking ridiculous, and for what? For some attention he would never receive anyway? 

  
  
  
  
  


———

  
  
  
  
  


Maybe all of the pain was worth it in the end. Sure, it didn't bring Jinyoung the kind of attention he wanted. And it didn't put him into his place either. No, he just discovered how to exteriorise and experiment self-loathe by hurting himself. It was pretty fucked up, but in a way just as fucked up, it made him feel better. It made him feel okay with that fact that he wasn’t worthy of being loved. And that was alright as well, since Jinyoung himself understood that  _ he  _ didn’t know  _ how  _ to love someone in the first place. 

Even so, he had feelings for Jaebeom and wanted him, wanted his attention. Absolutely adored Jaebeom’s fingertips caressing at the burned and scarred skin of his feet. He also lived for the worry in Jaebeom's eyes, for the tender touches, for Jaebeom's softness and care. 

“I can't believe you had such an ugly accident and didn’t tell me.” Jaebeom scolds, but it’s that kind of scold full of love and worry. It’s almost motherly. 

“But it’s alright now, isn’t it? You will tattoo over it and it will look great.”

“It might hurt, Jinyoung. Not might, it will most likely hurt.”

“It’s fine. I can stand pain,  _ especially if it comes from you _ .” 

Jaebeom’s eyes are glossy, deep like the ocean, yet filled with pain and worry. They’re like a sad ocean and Jinyoung allows himself to dive in. They’re so beautiful, even in their sorrow. “Come here.” 

It’s a familiar gesture, still, even though there has been a long time. Jaebeom allows himself to crawl his limbs until he is embraced tightly and lovingly by Jinyoung. There’s Jinyoung's body pressed against his and there are their cheeks bumping into each other. Arms so tight on bodies. It almost feels like they are two kids again. It’s tight, but still the most tender way they hugged in the last few years. It probably means that Jinyoung is vulnerable — Jaebeom felt it too, and the hold came as a confirmation.

If Jinyoung shut his eyes, he could see a river. Him and Jaebeom playing around. Just two kids running around, chasing butterflies. He could see Jaebeom’s beauty, his tenderness, his kindness. He could smell glass. And he could hear laughter and chuckles. He could never forget the cries either. The agony and pain. All the blood. Right next to the river… 

He opened his eyes, not wanting to get reminded about that. His relationship with Jaebeom started with blood. And their bond was so strong due to Jaebeom’s pain. Jinyoung wonders whether he could  _ ever  _ be able to make it out to Jaebeom. “I love you, Jaebeom.”

“I love you too.” Came naturally, soft voice, filled with something sad yet sincere. 

Jaebeom never covered his scars with tattoos. He loved tattoos and tattooing, but never did them on himself. For Jinyoung, this was an ultimate gesture in which Jaebeom showed his love for Jinyoung. He never covered that scar on the right side of his stomach. Jinyoung thought that maybe he shouldn't cover his either, since he did it  _ for  _ Jaebeom. And due to Jaebeom. Initially, he did it just to have Jaebeom tattoo on his skin. Now, he realised it was much more than that. It was  _ for  _ Jaebeom. It was  _ an apology _ . It was his way of saying that he will try to stop hurting and scarring Jaebeom, and will do that to himself instead. 

“I burned myself.” Jinyoung blurted out in a moment of vulnerability, then felt Jaebeom's hands loosen around him until they finally let go. Jaebeom slowly separated from him. 

“Hm?”

“I burned myself. Willingly.”

“What?”

_ Stop embracing him when I love you more,  _ Jinyoung wanted to say. It sounded so crazy though, he was so jealous and he didn't want to make Jaebeom run away by saying such a thing. “Doctor Choi said I burned myself willingly when I chose to cook while being drunk. It was dumb of me.” Jinyoung lied. Or not, because Doctor Choi told him something like that when Jinyoung tried lying to him about trying to cook while drunk. No, it was all willingly. And Choi knew, given all the conversation before the incident.

“Please be more careful. I don’t like to see you hurt.” 

  
  
  
  
  


———

  
  
  
  
  


Jinyoung can’t help himself. He falls deeper and deeper for Jaebeom. He wants him more and more as days pass by. And Jaebeom… fuck, he is so beautiful, so inviting, so fucking desirable… Jinyoung almost goes insane at the thought that he  _ cannot  _ kiss him and let him breathless. 

It’s shameful and lame, but Jinyoung touches himself thinking of Jaebeom. He even thinks about Jaebeom having sex with Jackson, because the sight remained imprinted in Jinyoung's mind. The way Jaebeom opened up so easily was left tattooed on the back of Jinyoung's mind. He wondered… Was that because he loved Jackson? Or was that because he felt safe with Jackson? Was it because Jackson had a clue about how to love Jaebeom back? What  _ exactly  _ did Jackson have that Jinyoung lacked? 

Jinyoung thought he knew what he lacked. He lacked a lot, from offering safety and trust to not actually knowing Jaebeom too well. He  _ knew  _ Jaebeom. The old Jaebeom. The child Jaebeom. Jinyoung used to know him like he knew himself. But then… then he hurt Jaebeom, making him run away and hide. With just the sharp blade of a knife, Jinyoung somehow managed to turn him into that butterfly Jaebeom would always chase as a child — a small, beautiful creature that was scared for its life, that ran away and hid whenever it would see Jinyoung. 

With a frown, Jinyoung turned on the side, visualising his empty bed. He had such a comfortable bed, big, with soft and expensive sheets. Puffy pillows, too, more than he needed. And the robe on him was something like a slippery satin, long to his knees, good enough to sleep into. He gifted Jaebeom a similar one a few months ago, but Jaebeom’s was a different colour; Jinyoung’s was a wine red, Jaebeom’s was a light olive green. Anyway, all of those things were somehow useless, though they were expensive and beautiful. Jinyoung wished they would lull him to sleep or even calm a bit his thoughts; yet they didn’t, they were just objects.

Jinyoung needed some wine. Or water. Or to clear his mind for a little. He found himself wandering in the hall, his feet automatically taking him closer and closer to Jaebeom’s room. Jinyoung knew the door was slightly open and could peek inside — Jaebeom had this habit of letting his door open during warm nights, because the chill air from the hall could cool up his room a little bit. They had this conversation a few times: Jinyoung offered to share his room, to offer Jaebeom more comfort and luxury, but Jaebeom would always politely turn down the offer. Intimacy was more important for him, or so he said, if Jinyoung recalls well. 

At that moment Jaebeom looked like he was deep into his slumber. If you peeked inside out of curiosity, you could see the thin mattress on the floor. Dark strands of hair scattered around a plushy pillow, naked back on display, broad shoulders and a somehow thin waist; spine, bent slightly. Half of Jaebeom's ass was on display, just like he was trying to tease, and half was covered by a thin sheet, along with his legs, entirely under that blanket. Though he was laying on one side, Jinyoung somehow knew the blanket was pulled closely to his chest. The skin on display should have been cold and dry while that under the blanket should be slightly wet with sweat and much warmer. It was quite the view though, everything seemed meticulously thought about and put into place only to tease and lure Jinyoung in, to make him lose his mind absolutely, already too lost in all the fantasies running wild through his mind.

Jinyoung closed the door silently behind him, his lips already pressing together in excitement. The view, the intimate atmosphere, the naked body, the soft breaths of Jaebeom, him sleeping so peacefully… all those made Jinyoung want to  _ touch himself _ . Though it was… wrong. Even being here, in Jaebeom's personal space, while Jaebeom wasn't aware of it all was wrong. Still, no one could judge Jinyoung if he were to lay next to Jaebeom, right? This wouldn't have been the first time they would share a bed either, so it couldn't be  _ that  _ wrong. 

A heavy exhale escaped Jinyoung's lips as he carefully placed himself next to Jaebeom. A low hum heard from Jaebeom, so Jinyoung’s hand wrapped around him as the sleeping man shifted slightly, body giving into the tender touch. All this… was enough to make Jinyoung want more. His teeth sunk into his lower lip as he thought that he only had to lift his robe in order to start pounding Jaebeom slowly while he was asleep. The thought was as intoxicating as it was  _ sick _ , and Jinyoung was aware of it, but he could only imagine Jaebeom whimpering under him as Jinyoung would fuck into him hard, again and again, even after coming. Shit, if Jinyoung would do this, he wouldn’t be able to stop afterwards. He wouldn't be able to control himself. He would cover Jaebeom’s mouth with a hand and pound him even more, faster, deeper, again and again, so much more.  _ Fuck…  _

It started with a few kisses on Jaebeom’s shoulder, time in which Jinyoung’s hand let go of him to lift a bit his robe. Then the hand returned on Jaebeom’s skin, searched for his tummy and pressed a palm on it, pulling him in closer and earning some sort of gasp from Jaebeom. 

Jaebeom's sleepy mind couldn't process what was happening, his senses still numb to whatever happened to him. He felt  _ something _ , a hug and touches, but since there was nothing his body considered unpleasant, it didn’t allow him to wake up just yet. As his eyes were fluttering close, he felt  _ warmth _ , along with some weird weight on him. His lips let out a low moan, because it was still nothing unpleasant. His breath hitched as he felt something wet rubbing against him, against his bottom. Still not unpleasant, maybe Jackson was just sweaty, yet… 

“ _ Mm, Jackson, don’t do that… please. _ ”

Jinyoung froze for a moment when he heard Jackson’s name. The green monster moved his hand on Jaebeom’s asscheek, spreading it enough for the wet tip of his cock to touch Jaebeom’s entrance. 

“Ah,  _ no _ ! Don't-”

Jaebeom gasped once more for air, his hand finally reacting and coming over Jinyoung's to push it off of his ass. He stretched his arm, wanting to desperately grab at something to pull himself away, but his mouth was faster, letting out a scream as the foreign body was sticking back to him, desperate to pull him back.

That’s when he finally managed to wake up, limbs already jerking, body slightly trembling in fear, hands helping him to pull himself away. Jaebeom tried his best to turn around and face the person he was almost sure was Jackson, but was shocked to feel his hands pinned down against the mattress as  _ Jinyoung  _ climbed on top of him. 

“Jinyoung?... What are you…  _ what are you doing _ ?”

Lustful eyes piercing Jaebeom’s. Long fingers coming to comb down his bangs. A familiar chill made tears slip from Jaebeom’s cheeks to his ears, getting lost somewhere between his body and the mattress. At this point he wasn’t sure if his reaction and tears were due to him being triggered and reminded of an unfortunate event or if it was due to the deep fear he felt whenever he was around Jinyoung, too close to him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why, Jaebeom? Why did you keep this for yourself?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

Jinyoung’s eyebrows twisted in a more worried expression, and his free hand slowly slipped under Jaebeom's head. His palm became a pillow for Jaebeom’s head as his big thumb started caressing lightly at Jaebeom’s temple. 

“Jaebeom… you have to understand that you cannot lie to me, nor hide things for me. And I don’t mean insignificant stuff, I mean things that affect you. You really thought I wouldn't find out?”

“I still don’t know what this is about… is it about Mark?”

“Mark… yeah, you lied to me about Mark too, right? Protect my dignity, you said. But no, in reality, Mark suggested that you leave with him, didn’t he?”

“I… yes, but I changed my mind afterwards.”

“Then he started blackmailing you, right? But not with the sweet story you told me about us having sex. Am I right?”

“Jinyoung… it’s the middle of the night and you’re scaring the hell out of me…” 

It was true. Jaebeom was still shaken to his core, his body slightly trembling under Jinyoung. If it wasn’t for the blanket still covering his lower part, he would have been also fully naked, all under Jinyoung and that piercing gaze. And especially after the way  _ Jinyoung touched him _ … he didn’t feel safe or comfortable at all. He wished he could scream and make Jinyoung disappear, but he was afraid and he knew it wouldn't work like that. Not even in a million years. 

“Jaebeom,  _ I allowed Mark to leave _ , but only after he did something for me. He had been my eyes and ears and helped me find out  _ something _ , the thing he was 'blackmailing’ you with. I wanted to see how you’ll act, if you would come to tell me and ask me for help or if you would want to run away with him. I’m disappointed, Jaebeom… I’m disappointed because you don’t trust me at all and I cannot trust you at all, can I?”

“It has nothing to do with you…”

“No? What if I tell you I killed him?”

“You… you killed Mark…?” Horror was written all over Jaebeom's face. Yet Jinyoung still managed to smirk somehow. 

“Not Mark. That disgusting man. The one who raped you in your sleep. I took all of his guts out, scattered them on the floor and walked all over them.” 

Jinyoung  _ wasn’t  _ lying. He had no reason to. That’s why Jaebeom was so scared of him — he had no heart, no empathy, no nothing; his chest was empty. He murdered without feeling guilt, shame, without feeling anything. Regret? It didn’t exist for Jinyoung.  _ Sorry? Never. Jinyoung was always right _ .

“What happened… it’s none of your business. It happened to  _ me _ , not to  _ you _ . And you had no right or reason to murder him.”

“But it happened because of me. Because I… because as you kept pushing me away, I let you do so. Even though you’re the only person I love that I have left. I should've protected you.”

“Jinyoung…  _ we’re not friends anymore.  _ For a long time. In my eyes, you’re equal to that guy you murdered. I hope you know that.”

It hurt. It hurt a lot. To tell Jinyoung he was scum? That he was a monster who only hurt Jaebeom? That fucking hurt and sting. 

“I…” Jinyoung knew. Deep inside him, he  _ knew _ . He just loved to act like he didn’t know, like nothing ever happened, like Jaebeom forgave him and forgot about what happened. Like that mistake got erased by time. 

“I don’t know how you’d expect me to  _ ever  _ forgive you…  _ I won’t _ .” 

“Jaebeom, you have to understand that I lo-”

“ _ You  _ have to understand that the reason I stayed was your father,  _ not you _ . He saved my life, of course I felt like I should stick to him and serve him. But how was I supposed to do that when his son was the one who almost murdered me?”

_ Jinyoung remembers very clearly, still. The images are so vivid in his head, it’s almost unreal how he can visualise all the details though it has been a long time until it happened.  _

_ Two kids, playing close to the river. One of them in a spring blue yukata, chasing a butterfly. Ten small fingers and ten years of innocence. A smile on his lips. Pins in his hair, pins from his mother. He was cute, extremely cute. So cute everybody wanted to pick him up, scoop him up in their arms and give him a peck on the nose or forehead.  _

_ As he got closer to the river, following the butterfly, Jinyoung stopped in his tracks, only his eyes following, his feet sticking to the ground. He just thought… he thought it would bring him peace and happiness. It hurt, but his father taught him that there will always be sacrifices he should make. A free hand got under his green yukata, grabbing the gun hidden under his obi — his father’s gun. He knew how to aim and shoot, his father taught him at thirteen, so one year prior. _

_ Since Jaebeom was turned with his back at him, it had been so easy… he almost did it perfectly. As a horrendous shout escaped the boy’s mouth, Jinyoung panicked and shot once more. He saw Jaebeom falling on the ground, next to the river, crimson staining blue. Jinyoung couldn't get closer, he just dropped the gun from his hands and stood in horror, not moving, not blinking, heart barely beating. The sound of the gunfire was enough for both Jinyoung's father and Jaebeom's mother to come in a rush to the horrible scene, and that’s when Jinyoung realised he… he might have made a mistake.  _

_ Ever since then, Jinyoung was condemned to a living hell. That image of Mr. Park bowing over the hospital bed to press a kiss on Jaebeom’s forehead while Jaebeom’s hand held Mrs. Lim’s. Jinyoung could just watch as jealousy swallowed him whole. How could he not hate Jaebeom when he was so loved by both Mrs. Lim and Mr. Park? And that just because he was a bit younger… just because he was Mr. Lim’s son, not Mr. Park’s, who was the Yakuza head. No. The Lims were allies. Only allies. And Mr. Lim lived no more. Nor did Jinyoung's mother.  _

_ Somehow, the accident made Mr. Park love Jaebeom more and care for him even more than before. Jinyoung was taught to use different weapons, and got scolded if he didn’t perform well; in the meantime, Jaebeom would be scooped up and allowed to sleep between Mr. Park and Mrs. Lim. The man and the woman weren’t lovers, they were just good friends, helping each other, keeping each other safe, still grieving the loss of their spouses. Mr. Park felt guilty about the accident, so he took all responsibility on himself. He tried keeping the Lims safe, and raised Lim’s son with affection, because he knew his own son would need it later. He knew the boys would remain alone at some point. And while Jinyoung resembled him well, Jaebeom resembled his mother — he didn't want to ruin Jaebeom, too, so he just tried to be a replacement for a father to the younger one.  _

_ Jinyoung hated them. He hated both his father and Jaebeom and wanted to kill them both. He didn't hate Mrs. Lim, as she was kind, she would sneak extra food to him, she would read to him before bed. She would tell him stories and caress his head. She would smile kindly and praise him, she would call Jinyoung a strong man. She would say she is so proud of him. She was the only one Jinyoung liked — yet couldn't show it due to his father. Jinyoung only wanted to walk in Jaebeom's shoes, to get the affection from Mr. Park, too. But he never really did, though Mr. Park loved him and never doubted him.  _

_ After the two adults died the same night in which the sky shattered and blood fell from the sky, Jinyoung was left with Jaebeom. Jinyoung was almost twenty, Jaebeom was sixteen and a fucking beauty, but also a nuisance. He didn't talk to Jinyoung a lot despite the fact that Jinyoung always offered him what he had best. It was what Mr. Park would have wanted. Jinyoung understood at some point that the Parks were paying for the two bullets Jinyoung sent flying through Jaebeom’s hip and stomach that day, almost killing a boy of only ten years.  _

“Sorry… I’m sorry, Jaebeom.”

“Your apologies mean nothing to me. I would have wanted to know  _ why  _ you shot me, why you wanted me dead… why you despised me so much… but now I don't think I want to know anymore.  _ Get off of me! _ ”

Before Jinyoung knew it, he lost his grip on Jaebeom and all the control he had until now. His desperate eyes searched for Jaebeom, but his mind should’ve gone insane as what he saw was  _ not Jaebeom _ . His naked back should have triggered Jinyoung’s disturbed mind since he couldn't stop imagining the scars of Jaebeom’s back opening up, bleeding and painting his hips and legs all crimson. As the blanket covering Jaebeom’s intimate parts was tossed aside, Jinyoung saw something else for a moment: his beautiful Jaebeom, head decorated with butterfly clips, blue silk on him and a bright smile on his face. Olive came into his vision right afterwards, and since he recognised the floral print, he snapped back to reality, to the real Jaebeom covering himself with the olive robe he had from Jinyoung. 

“I don’t know if this is a curse or a punishment of some sort, but… I fell in love with you, Jaebeom. I hate seeing you with other men.”

“That’s why you wanted to fuck me in my sleep? Because you’re in love with me? No, Jinyoung, you’re not, trust me. That’s not love, that’s obsession. So Mark worked for you all of this time, huh? It was a trap… a trap  _ for me _ . Should I understand that you still want to kill me?”

“No. I never wanted to. I just… ever since I saw you with Jackson, I must have gone insane. I want you  _ so much _ … and seeing  _ him  _ having you…”

“Can I be alone?”

  
  
  
  
  


———

  
  
  
  
  


Jinyoung might have fucked it up with Jaebeom. And on top of that… he made one more mistake. However, his little mistake of getting drunk and almost jumping the only man he could trust, ended up opening his eyes a little bit. 

“I don’t want to, I have a relationship!”

“It’s an order, Jackson! And I promise you Jaebeom will never find out. Come on.”

“But I don’t-”

“If you help me out, I’ll let you my room for a night so you and Jaebeom could fuck in a really big and comfortable bed.”

Even so, Jackson still wanted to push himself back, but Jinyoung tugged at his hands desperately, making him give in. He found himself stuck against the door to Jinyoung’s room, Jinyoung’s hands locking the door as his hard-on pressed against Jackson’s crotch. 

“Boss…  _ Jinyoung _ … I know you watched me and Jaebeom having sex.”

“The door was open.” Came out of Jinyoung’s mouth, words spoken in a nonchalant tone. Then Jinyoung grund his clothed cock against Jackson’s. “Wow, you really aren't into that, huh?”

“I don’t mind pleasing you if you really need it, but I love Jaebeom and I want to stay loyal to him, not to fuck around.”

“I know, Jackson,  _ I fucking know _ . But I won’t tell him, I don’t want you two to break up despite the fact that I love him too and that I want him so fucking bad…”

After hearing that, Jackson didn’t know what to say… he wasn’t even jealous, he felt just pity if he put himself in Jinyoung’s shoes. And he never really saw Jinyoung in that way, but he could totally see Jinyoung and Jaebeom together. 

“I’m not going to steal him from you, he fucking hates me.” Jinyoung added, hands already on his belt, unbuckling it. 

“He doesn't hate you. He’s not good at hating. He told me that he really tried loving you, but he’s afraid of you, because you hurt him a lot in the past.” 

“Let’s go on the bed.” 

Again, this was pretty embarrassing, but if Jinyoung promised no one will know, then no one will know. So Jackson tried to relax, he still had every piece of clothing on, so that meant Jinyoung only wanted to get rid of his boner, not to fuck like an animal. If Jackson was sitting on the bed, all clothes on, Jinyoung climbed over him, knees stuck to Jackson’s sides, one hand pinning both of Jackson’s wrists against the wall. With his free hand, Jinyoung lifted Jackson’s chin so he could shove his tongue down Jackson's throat. That couldn't even be called a kiss, it was filthy, full of tongues licking around each other, tasting each other, making both moan lowly and ask for more. 

After a few full minutes of kissing like that repeatedly, Jinyoung pulled away, already not being able to hold it in anymore. With his free hand he pulled his pants to his knees, his member free, naked and erect. With a small sigh, he grabbed his base just to be able to smear the precum on the tip on Jackson’s upper lip. Jackson opened his mouth, welcoming the head inside it, caressing it with his wet tongue. As Jackson started sucking more, Jinyoung slowly thrust his cock more inside Jackson’s mouth until he felt it slipping a bit down Jackson’s throat; he commanded Jackson to stay still so he could fuck his mouth a bit more, with deep and fast thrusts until he felt himself close to his release. He hurried to pull out, feeling Jackson’s hands on his cock as soon as he let go of Jackson’s wrists. 

“Fuck, please!” Jinyoung cursed, hands already grabbing tightly on Jackson's shoulders and holding on to them. The strokes felt good, Jackson’s hands around his cock felt fucking good and the fact that Jackson somehow managed to make him come only on his hands was a great bonus because it meant their clothes were still clean. 

Even so, Jinyoung had to lay down, back against the mattress of his bed, eyes burning into the ceiling. Surprisingly, Jackson remained by his side. 

“Boss?”

“Hm?”

“If I were to break up with Jaebeom, would you offer him a shoulder to cry on?”

“ _ Don’t break up with him. _ ”

“Then… send me to China for a job or something.”

“What? Absolutely not!”

“I could intentionally fight with him before I leave. Then you could be alone with him and… I think you’d have the chance of showing him that you care about him and that you actually love him.”

“And what about you?”

“Dunno…”

“It’s a bad idea. I told you, I don’t want you and him to fight. He loves you so fucking much, Jackson, it melts my heart, really.”

“I thought it made you jealous.”

“That, too. But not jealous in the way that I want to split you two apart. Jealous in the way that I would love to join you two in bed.” 

“Wait, you want us to have sex in three?”

“Wouldn’t you like seeing Jaebeom fucked by the both of us?”

“Well…” Jackson bit on his lower lip, trying not to get hard. It would have been quite the view, if Jackson thought about it. Jaebeom squished together between Jackson and Jinyoung, one of them kissing him continuously, licking inside his mouth and swallowing all of his whimpers while the other would thrust into his ass at a fast pace. Jaebeom’s hands clinging around them, his body shivering with overstimulation, saliva dripping down his chin… yeah, that would be… that would be something Jackson would like to experience. “Of course I would love that, but I don’t think he’ll accept something like this until you don’t fix your relationship with him. I don’t know what was in your head when you sneaked into his room, you really fucked it up!”

“Right…  _ he told you _ .”

“Of course he fucking told me!”

“He’s avoiding me anyway. I think he still hates me for that Mark thing and for killing his rapist, but… I had to.”

There’s nothing left to do, so Jackson sighed a long and exhausted sigh. This whole situation got him fucked up, he absolutely hates how things were at the moment; well, he and Jaebeom were fine, but the distance Jaebeom kept from Jinyoung worried Jackson until he got to this point and was able to see things from Jinyoung’s perspective as well. And he felt bad for poor Jinyoung, even though Jinyoung himself was a fucked up character — because Jaebeom has told Jackson about some times when he got deeply hurt by Jinyoung. Still, Jackson didn’t judge Jinyoung either; in Jackson’s opinion, Jinyoung deserved some love, too, despite the fact that he was how he was. A savage. Heartless. So needy of love, but never knowing how to love back. It was mostly due to the way he has been raised and due to all the responsibility that fell on his shoulders. 

“It’s funny how the last time I felt some affection from him was that time when I burned myself willingly to get a scar, so I could have it covered up by him. He seemed so worried about me, and he looked and acted like he  _ cared deeply for me _ , and I remember my heart beating in my chest faster than usual. The only thing I could do was hold him in my arms and be held back, but it was… I felt at peace. Yet it made me realise that I have done so many bad things to him, and that it’s too late to apologize now or to fix anything. Sometimes I wish… I wish I could switch my body to yours for one day, only to feel how it is to be a good man and to be  _ truly loved  _ for who you really are.”

Jackson turned his head to Jinyoung, thinking about those words that touched him. Somehow… somehow Jinyoung answered his question by himself without realising it;  _ Jinyoung found the solution _ . 

“Jinyoung…”

“Oh, am I getting too sappy? Sorry.”

“No,  _ no _ ! I think… I know how we could solve this. You might not like it, and you’ll need my help, but I think it might work well.”

“I’m listening.” 

  
  
  
  
  


———

  
  
  
  
  


A gasp. Then a yelp. Dr. Choi’s tweezer digging into flesh carefully, spilling out even more blood. Moments of agony, Jinyoung yelling in pain, gasping for air, clenching his teeth. His hand holding tightly at Jaebeom’s hip, probably bruising it with the tight grip, with the fingers digging into skin. 

Another whine, one of relief. Jinyoung was still panting, but at least the stinging was all over. And the bullet hitting the metal can of Dr. Choi’s had been pleasing to the ear; it announced that Jaebeom could go on and cover the open wound, the cloth under his hand soaking into blood. He gave a reassuring smile to Jinyoung from up, and it made Jinyoung’s hand start caressing at his hip lightly as a thanks. If Jinyoung turned his head to the other side, he could see Jackson sitting on the couch, bloody-dirtied cloth still pressed against his nose. The cut right under his left eye was still bleeding slightly. At least he was fine though. 

“Thanks, Jaebeom. Now let me clean that a bit.” Dr. Choi instructed as pushing his glasses back on the bridge of his nose, then taking the cloth away and inspecting the wound. 

Jaebeom removed his hands so he wouldn’t complicate Dr. Choi’s task, and to make himself useful, he pushed Jinyoung’s wet bangs away from his sweaty forehead, then wiped off the sweat with his hand. His fingers caressed for a little while at Jinyoung's scalp, until Youngjae finally let out a long sigh. “I’m done with the nastiest wound. But I’ll have to keep you under my watch, boss.” Dr. Choi said in a serious tone.

“That meaning?”

“That meaning you’re not getting up from here, Jinyoung.” 

“And how am I supposed to eat, smartass?”

“We’ll feed you. Anyway, if I catch you shifting too much and I see your wound opening, I’ll have you tied up against the bed.  _ And I am not kidding _ .” 

Jaebeom slowly separated his hip and Jinyoung’s hand, allowing himself to finally get closer to Jackson. (He held it in ever since he saw the two men covered in blood, and since Jinyoung, who was the most badly injured was in good hands, Jaebeom could breathe his boyfriend’s air for a couple of minutes.) The first thing he did was take the cloth from Jackson’s nose and caress one of his temples while his eyes alone asked  _ “how did this happen?” _ . 

“Jaebeom, please keep an eye on Jinyoung and prevent him from moving, if necessary. I’ll go be right back.”

Jaebeom turned his head to watch Youngjae leaving, then into his vision came Jinyoung’s hand laying comfortably over his face, wrist covering his eyes while his fingers were just hanging around one side of his face. After the door closed, Jaebeom turned his head to Jackson, pressed the tip of his nose to his. Let out a sigh that meant  _ “Jackson, you’re an idiot, but I love you so damn much anyway”.  _ One of Jackson’s hands touched Jaebeom’s cheek, inviting him closer until their lips pressed lightly against each other's. Jackson opened one eye to peek quickly at Jinyoung who, in fact,  _ was looking at them _ , then shut his eyes close and slightly opened his lips to kiss Jaebeom. He pressed his lips more and more on Jaebeom's until a hand placed on his chest stopped him; Jaebeom's eyes fluttered open and looked down, hand coming naturally to touch his lower lip. The taste of blood was in his mouth as a faint trace of blood imprinted on his lower lip, so of course he wanted to wipe it with a finger, but his eyes closed shut because Jackson’s wet tongue was faster to lick the blood. Weirdly, as he opened his lips to accept the other kiss, the taste of blood invaded his mouth once with Jackson’s tongue. His knees getting weak, he let himself guided by the sweaty palm on the back of his head, feeling like falling.

Lips kissing lips, tongues tasting blood. The hand moved from the back of Jaebeom’s head to his nape, making him gasp as fingertips dug into the sensitive skin. His eyes opened widely only to see  _ blood _ .  _ Blood pouring from Jackson’s face, hitting his face and then dripping down his skin _ . For a second, he felt like yelling, but then a wicked grin came into his vision, half painted in crimson, so Jaebeom just breathed. His body wasn’t exactly numb, it was shivering. Hands were gripping tightly at the material covering Jackson’s shoulders as foreign hands sustained him at the back. He wondered  _ why the hell did Jackson grin like this when he was still bleeding pretty badly _ ? And Jaebeom hated blood, hated seeing blood, especially smeared all over Jackson’s face, hands, clothes. He didn’t know what to say about Jackson’s kisses tasting like blood, too… this just wasn't like Jackson. 

“Hey, love.” Mumbled Jackson, a bit  _ too pleased  _ when there was blood pouring from his nose down to his lips, entering his mouth. Crimson poured down from his wound, too, and it looked like the red tracing his face and neck and dirtying his collar didn’t bother him. 

“ _ Gross _ …” Jaebeom finally managed to reject him. His body jerked in an attempt to escape, but as his knees were weak and numb, he found himself cursing as a pair of hands held him tight, preventing him from flopping over and hitting the floor. 

The kiss pressed against his temple made him hum. What was happening?  _ He was grossed out, so grossed out that his legs failed him and he wanted to throw up and faint, but he tried helping himself from any of those _ . Between his thighs was hard flesh, against his cheek skin was pressed. The room smelled so unpleasant… was he the only one feeling it? And the atmosphere… it got harder and harder to breathe. 

“ _ Love? _ ” Was the last thing he heard before everything faded to black, his body getting numb and his head lighter. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jackson’s nose was tingling his skin and his lips pressed sweet pecks on one of his cheeks. It felt good, sweet, relaxing, it felt right, yet Jaebeom couldn't help zoning out. He leaned in the tender touch, allowing his body to sink between the soft and plushy mattress and his boyfriend’s half-naked body. Jackson was so loving and tender with his kisses and touches, but in a moment like this, Jaebeom just felt off. Not because of Jackson. He just felt off, stuck in his thoughts and barely responsive to all the cuddling. The lips pressing against his forehead out of nowhere so sweetly made his face warm up and redden slightly. 

“Are you okay?” Jackson asked, receiving a hum as a reply. “What’s up, baby? Come on, talk to me.”

“I just feel… awkward. I’m used to my little room, Jinyoung's is so large and… I don’t know, I feel exposed.”

Jackson couldn't help chuckling at that. He found it cute. “Hey, I say that we should be grateful! We have this gigantic and extremely soft bed! I mean,  _ you  _ have it. Since you switched rooms with Jinyoung. Anyway, if you feel bad about this, remember that it’s for his own good!”

“Jackson…”

“Yes?”

“I was supposed to get married to Jinyoung…” Hearing that, Jackson’s face fell, and after he blinked a few times in confusion, he let himself flop off of Jaebeom, back hitting the soft mattress. “I was supposed to be a girl, but…”

“What are you getting at?”

“I don't fucking know… the Parks had always been so kind to me, but I just can’t bring myself to have a normal relationship with Jinyoung. I love him, I promise you I do, it’s just that… he is weird and unpredictable and ever since I got together with you, he is being overly jealous? It’s like… like  _ my life would belong to him  _ and like  _ he would go mad every time he loses a bit of control over my life _ . I don’t mind it, what I mind is him doing all of those reckless stuff because he acts on pure instinct without thinking. I just wish he would be able to control himself.”

“Jaebeom… since a lot of our conversations are about Jinyoung… he’s important for the both of us, but…”

“Hm?”

“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, but would you… uh… how should I put this? Do you have any desire of being in an open relationship?”

“Open… relationship? What do you mean?”

“Date both me and Jinyoung? Or… just fuck us both? Or, you know… those sort of things.”

“ _ Jackson _ … what?” It looked like the concept was pretty foreign to Jaebeom, and honestly Jackson didn’t expect that. He didn’t get mad or anything, he just hoped Jaebeom didn’t get it wrong, so he got a bit flustered. “Jackson, you’re my lover and I’m not cheating on you! If this is about what happened when Jinyoung came into my room…”

“No, not at all!” Jackson turned his head again to look at his beautiful boyfriend from down. If he was sincere… he wouldn't share Jaebeom. He was good in every aspect Jackson could think of, despite the fact that he came into Jackson’s life  _ already attached to Jinyoung _ . It looked like Jaebeom’s feelings didn’t match Jinyoung’s, and… Jackson really didn't want to force his boyfriend to do stuff. But he also pitied Jinyoung a lot, and felt like  _ it was an order to help Jinyoung get to Jaebeom.  _ “But he… you know, he loves you, too. It’s unfair that you chose me over him when he is used to having everything.”

“What do you mean by  _ choosing you _ ? Jackson, I didn’t have  _ a choice _ , I just  _ fell in love with you _ . Until you came to me I thought you were just like the rest, but then… I don’t know, I simply fell for you because it was so easy doing so! What do you want me to say? You’re everything I need! You care for me, you listen to me, you understand me, you’re tender… I feel  _ safe  _ with you. I can let my guard down from time to time…”

“I’m not really tender, but I learned you like that, so I’m tender with you. I try my best to be. When it’s about you, it comes naturally. But I’m not like that with others.”

“Of course, I’m fucking special!” Jaebeom grinned, then his leg landed over Jackson’s hip as Jaebeom dragged himself closer. 

Jackson hooked an arm over Jaebeom, his face finding a warm and perfect spot to rest in the crook between Jaebeom’s shoulder and head. He just embraced Jaebeom tightly as he was being held too, and Jaebeom started caressing his back. When Jackson opened his eyes, he noticed Jinyoung one meter away from the doorframe, as the door was left half-opened. Well, he was a bit sick of having Jinyoung’s eyes on him  _ all the damn time _ , but what could he do? Behind Jaebeom's back, he made Jinyoung a sign to leave by using his fingers, yet the shook of head that came from Jinyoung clearly ruined his fucking mood. Because… it was creepy when someone was  _ constantly watching _ . He understood Jinyoung’s pain, too, but he barely had intimacy anymore. Also, if Jaebeom would have known Jinyoung was watching them while they were cuddling in bed, talking in bed, having sex or simply sleeping, he would have freaked out. 

“Are you afraid to undress me, love?” Jaebeom's voice came out as a tease, and the fact that he made more room for Jackson’s face and also started tracing his fingers over Jackson’s hair didn’t help. Because as much as Jackson wanted him… he didn't want Jinyoung to see. In better days he wouldn't have minded much, but sometimes —  _ this day, for example  _ — he minded it. He tried mouthing to Jinyoung the word  _ “leave” _ , but since Jinyoung had the fucking audacity to shake his head again, Jackson rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“I’m not really in the mood today… sorry, baby.”

“Oh, alright. It’s because of the talk we had earlier?”

“No, Beommie, it’s not your fault. I just had a long day.”

“Then…” Jaebeom lifted Jackson’s head from there and guided it on his chest, fingers still playing with his hair. “Go to sleep. Do you want me to sing for you a bit?”

Jackson wanted to. He loved it, he  _ adored  _ it. He couldn't get enough of it, but the fact that it was pretty rare meant it was  _ extremely special _ . It was so intimate, and the first time Jackson heard Jaebeom sing something in a whisper, he opened his eyes and started at Jaebeom with a pair of big serious eyes; and when Jaebeom stopped, Jackson just mumbled, “I’m gonna marry you one day”, and that was his confirmation that the soft lullaby was  _ more than pleasant  _ and more special than just special. It meant a lot to Jackson because it reminded him of his mother, so that made it even more intimate for him. 

Still,  _ he didn’t want Jinyoung to hear this _ . Yes, Jackson was selfish, but this was their thing,  _ only their thing _ . It was way more intimate than sex, way more sweet than Jaebeom’s kisses, way more pure than Jaebeom’s own soul. 

“I…”

“You look disturbed.” Jaebeom remarked with a smile. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…”  _ Everything.  _ “But I need to hold you tight for a while. In silence.”  _ What has Jackson done?  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Jinyoung, I don’t think I want to do this anymore…” 

“It was your idea.” 

Jackson bit on his lower lip because that was right. Still… he couldn't help, he hated having competition. He hated  _ having to help the other party win what was already his _ . His pity suddenly disappeared after Jinyoung started to be less and less subtle about how much he wanted Jaebeom; as Jackson let his guard down, Jinyoung attacked, he crossed a few boundaries, and…  _ this was so fucking bad, because Jackson was incredibly jealous too _ . No, maybe not  _ jealous _ ; only  _ scared  _ of losing Jaebeom,  _ scared  _ of having Jaebeom taken away from him. 

“You're crossing boundaries. And Jaebeom… he always says he wants and loves  _ me _ . He doesn’t want two lovers, it feels like cheating for him. I don’t understand why can’t you let him be happy…”

“Because he is all I have left, Jackson. You  _ cannot simply come and take him away _ , I’ll fucking kill you!”

“Right, just  _ kill everyone _ . Like it’ll solve everything. See? That’s why Jaebeom doesn’t fucking want you! This ill mentality won’t get you anywhere! Why can’t you listen to Dr. Choi for once? He only wants you to get better!”

“Don’t bring that up, it has nothing to do with Jaebeom.”

“But it has everything to do with you!” Jackson insisted, even though he knew the subject only pissed Jinyoung off. 

“Are you done? Don’t you have  _ work to do _ ? Shoo! Out of my fucking office!” 

“Don’t dare touch  _ my  _ boyfriend…”

“Just get another, Mr. Perfect! Since when do you think you’re good enough as to take all of my belongings, Jackson? First, my ex-boyfriend’s place, then the bonus money, then Jaebeom. Let me guess, do you want my position, too?”

“You’re sick in the head, why the fuck am I even bothering? I wanted to help you… but all you want is to put Jaebeom in a cage and watch him struggle until he dies… He’s human, Jinyoung, you know that? He’s not an object which you could maybe fix if it breaks. You’ve already done enough damage to him, I won’t let you do more!  _ Can’t you fucking understand he is afraid of you?  _ He feels  _ safe  _ with me!”

“I’m just going to warn you to watch out for yourself and not get backstabbed, Jackson. That’s all.  _ Leave _ .” Jinyoung sounded serious and cold, and, once more, he abused his power only to win an useless argument. In Jackson’s eyes it was lame and Jinyoung became lower and lower, so… Jackson turned his back to Jinyoung and left because he had a load of work to do. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jaebeom’s throat was dry, eyes travelling windingly everywhere but nowhere in particular. A cold shiver was running down his spine as a pair of lips pressed a wet kiss on his shoulder. Fingers digging into his hair, lifting it to uncover his nape so he could get a kiss there as well. A finger under his chin, lifting his head up until he met Jackson’s eyes; he gulped, realising Jinyoung was the one kissing his back while Jackson was right in front of him, eyes full of lust, just lust and hunger, no jealousy. Jackson’s mouth kissed Jaebeom's dirtily, tongue and saliva all Jaebeom could taste for a few moments, after Jackson pulled away. Even so, Jaebeom had no time to breathe because Jinyoung turned his head around and started kissing him even more filthily, tongue licking around his so skillfully that it made Jaebeom moan against his mouth. 

As Jinyoung kept kissing him, he felt a tongue licking at one of his nipples as a pair of hands pulled at his underwear. There was a tongue up his throat and another licking closer and closer to his belly button. His body jerked and pulled away with a whine as he felt fingers on his spine, but while he tried setting his body free, he got his neck grabbed by a hand. 

“Relax, baby. Allow yourself to feel good.” It was Jackson talking though it didn't seem like Jackson. It was him, so Jaebeom complied with a soft sigh, feeling the hand setting his neck free. “Look at me. Come on, look at me.” 

So Jaebeom did. He found himself kissing Jackson again, slow and tender this time. It felt good, so he allowed himself to wrap his hands around Jackson’s neck and felt him smiling in the kiss. Jaebeom’s mouth was left open as he felt a pair of hands on his thighs and one on his shoulders. His eyes rolled back as they started travelling his body at the same time, the hands on his thighs forcing his legs open as the other pair traveled down his spine, sending cool shivers to him. A big fingertip started rubbing against his entrance as a finger found its way between his lips. As his mouth was watering more and more as he sucked on the finger, he felt himself getting wet down there, too, as fingers kept rubbing and teasing. More fingers into his mouth as fingers entered him, some forcing him to lick, others to spread his thighs more and moan. It was so much and so wet but it felt insanely good. 

“Already thrusting back on my fingers, baby?” This was Jinyoung's voice, teasing, but it didn’t matter for Jaebeom because he was wet everywhere, stimulated, hot, and needed more.

Jaebeom let out a whiny moan as the fingers from his mouth disappeared, letting a wet trace of saliva fall from them to his chin. At least those inside him were still moving at a slow peace, keeping him wet down there. A hand forced him to bow by pressing his back, and then Jackson’s hands guided his lips around his cock. It worked when Jinyoung  _ ordered  _ him to suck, so Jaebeom did, slowly, and whined again when the fingers inside him all pulled out at once, letting him empty. 

“ _ Shut the fuck up _ .” He heard Jinyoung, and it didn't last long until Jinyoung's cock stuffed his ass full as Jackson’s filled his mouth. As Jinyoung pulled him closer, Jackson released his grip, and when Jackson pulled him in, Jinyoung pulled out but not completely. When Jinyoung’s hand hit over his back and thrust in roughly, Jaebeom knows he started crying, because Jinyoung was fucking into him fast and roughly and he also felt like choking. 

He doesn’t even know when Jackson’s lips got on his, pressing soft kisses as Jackson’s hand jerked him off, helping him release slowly. Jinyoung was still fucking him roughly, and he got so tight after he came that he couldn't stop moaning if he didn’t cover his mouth. 

Everything was a bit of a haze, if Jaebeom was being honest. Somehow, he saw himself spreaded over Jinyoung, swallowing his moans as his cock and Jinyoung’s rubbed together. This time Jackson was behind him, pushing in and out and making Jaebeom’s hips move forward each time, this way allowing friction between Jaebeom’s cock and Jinyoung’s. This felt way better than what they did before, even though Jackson’s cock inside of him was slightly thicker and it forced his already sensitive insides. Jackson wasn’t rough to him, he took his time to please Jaebeom, always. Jinyoung hurried all the time, even earlier, and didn’t even give him a lot of time to get accustomed to all the sensations. So, yeah, this was way better, because Jackson knew how to pound him slowly. 

“Love you…” Jaebeom blurted out as one of his hands searched for Jackson’s neck, and wrapped around it. His head also fell back and he allowed himself to relax. 

“That’s disgustingly sweet.” Jinyoung commented, grin on his lips, hands still rubbing his erection against Jaebeom’s. 

“Don’t be a dick, Jinyoung. Help him come, jerk him off,  _ slowly _ , or I’m really going to punch you in the face and push you off of the bed.” Jackson warned, then pressed a quick kiss on Jaebeom’s cheek as his hands grabbed again at Jaebeom’s hips. “Baby? Don’t you want to come for me? Come on, be a good boy, okay?”

Jaebeom doesn’t really remember what came after that, if he managed to come or not. If Jinyoung and Jackson spat more curse words at each other. If everything was alright… 

When he slowly lifted his head from the soft pillow, he saw Jinyoung turning his head and looking at him with some sort of apologetic look. Fingers brushed against his temple, and as Jinyoung slowly lifted from his pillow, he maneuvered Jaebeom’s head back on the bed. “You still have a fever.” Jinyoung mumbled, and it made Jaebeom finally remember what happened. 

He found Jinyoung and Jackson having a fight, so he got in between them. It was pretty dumb from what Jaebeom heard, they were fighting over him, over who deserves Jaebeom more, and since Jaebeom wanted to make them stop, he said he would sleep with both if they would cut it out.  _ So he fucking did _ .  _ Because he was tired of it _ . And now he regretted it. This, obviously, didn’t solve anything. For some reason… Jaebeom thought it would. But he only managed to fuck it up even more. 

As Jinyoung looked at Jaebeom from up, the sad face reminded him of something. Of that time Jaebeom was in the hospital, looking scared for his life as he could barely move or keep his eyes open. Just like at the moment. 

“Jaebeom? Do you feel alright?” Jackson’s voice heard from the other side, but Jaebeom didn’t turn his head. Jinyoung was still on top of him, his mind was still full of thoughts about what had just happened and he got to the conclusion that he absolutely hates it. Oh, this has been a damn mistake. 

One of Jackson’s fingers was enough to turn his head to one side, and when he finally allowed himself to open his eyes and look at Jackson, he met a worried look. “Sure, I’m fine. Are  _ you  _ okay?”

He didn’t even have to look to know that Jackson glanced at Jinyoung and Jinyoung lifted an eyebrow, thinking the same thing as only stealing a quick glance at Jackson. “We’re both fine.”

Jaebeom wanted to say that he was glad they were both fine, but he was too exhausted to even continue. Before falling asleep, he told himself that he shall have a conversation with Jackson and Jinyoung, alone with each of them. This just couldn't go on, it has been fun, it was killing Jaebeom on the inside. And if Jaebeom put himself aside, as he would often do, he could tell this was hurting Jackson too. While Jinyoung… well, that Jaebeom didn’t know. He just hoped that negotiating with Jinyoung in the morning wouldn’t end up badly. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Alright, so you want to talk while not even facing me?” Jinyoung teased, and regretted it when Jaebeom got up his lap. He even stretched his arm to catch something, anything — a hand, wrist or finger, Jaebeom’s robe, its cord, even his hip, literally  _ anything _ , but Jaebeom wasn’t into his area of reach anymore. And Jinyoung was too lazy to get up because it was still too early. 

“Do you want anything? Coffee? Tea? Breakfast?”

“No, Jaebeom, I want you to stop teasing and just talk.” 

Jinyoung asked for it, but he didn’t expect Jaebeom to come back and hum an “alright” before throwing one of his legs over Jinyoung’s knees and lifting himself to sit on the table, facing Jinyoung. “I want to talk about…  _ you know…  _ Jinyoung, if you want, I can erase everything that happened in the past and…”

“Hmm, I don’t think it’s that easy for you though. You clearly don’t work like that, and I thought you were in love with Jackson.” 

“Yeah…” Jaebeom mumbled.  _ He loved Jackson, he loved Jackson for real, he loved him like he couldn't love Jinyoung.  _ He was sure he did love Jinyoung too, but platonically; he needed Jinyoung next to him, but as a friend, as a brother, as the big brother he never had. However, he couldn't have both and those two were too overwhelming together anyway. But Jaebeom could keep both next to him in some way. He could spare Jackson from getting hurt. And he could somehow still please Jinyoung, too. “I am in love with Jackson. But since I can’t really be with him…”

“You two were fine until now.” Jinyoung said, ignoring all the times he watched them, he fought Jackson, he got his hands on Jaebeom, he crossed any fucking boundary of intimacy and human decency. 

“I’m going to break up with him so I could be all yours. Does that sound good?”

“Sure, so I’ll have to deal with the annoying salty ex-boyfriend afterwards?”

“No. It’s not like that. I’ll talk to him later.”

“I still don't understand why you would do that. You don’t love me, I’m just a criminal in your eyes, so… I honestly expected you and Jackson to work together and slice my throat open in my sleep or something.” 

Eh, Jaebeom thought of that, too. But it’s not like there was any way out of the Yakuza. They won’t be accepted back into society, they won’t be regarded as normal people. They would be free, but they would live the most miserable lives. Leaving wasn't a choice and Jaebeom knew it,  _ he didn’t actually want to leave the Yakuza.  _ He wanted to leave his weak self in the past and become someone like… like Jackson, maybe. “What if we get married, Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung couldn't help but furrow his eyebrows and let himself sink better into the chair. “Marrying a man is not legal, from what I know.”

“Does it really have to be legal? I mean, you’re already breaching the law, so does a stupid piece of paper matter to you? It’s much more than that.” 

Jinyoung was a bit confused. This was out of the blue and it sounded a bit  _ too good  _ to be true. He really wondered what the hell got into Jaebeom. “It’s not that I don’t trust you enough, Jaebeom, I do. I just don’t understand your reason for-  _ ah _ .”

“It’s not exactly how you picture it, Jinyoung.”

“Then? Please make me understand. You want half of my power, right? And if I give it to you, then what? You’ll probably wait for a year or two and then kill me, so you’ll have everything. Correct?”

Jaebeom shook his head. “I don't want anything. I just want to start over. I’m going to give you another chance,  _ if you want to _ . I’ve been too harsh on you.”

“And Jackson?”

“He’ll be fine.”

“Right. He’s a big boy.” Jinyoung concluded, still thinking about Jaebeom's decisions. He had to think a bit more about this conversation, but it sounded  _ good _ , once again,  _ too good to be true _ . Jaebeom just wanted to leave the past behind. And so did Jinyoung. He was curious whether they would manage, so he was willing to try. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Since Jaebeom was quiet, Jackson waited. He took a seat at the table, and since Jaebeom was already preparing coffee, he lit up a cigarette. He smoked it in silence, watching Jaebeom's every little step or movement. There was already some tension, there has been ever since he saw Jaebeom leaving with Jinyoung to talk. Jackson already anticipated a breakup, it was  _ fine _ . As long as that was what Jaebeom wanted, it was fine by him. He was alright with just admiring from the distance, he really was. Yeah, his heart would hurt, his eyes would water and his tears would probably fall a few times. But then he would get accustomed to the bitterness. It was okay. He was okay before having Jaebeom, so he would be okay after, too. Time would heal his broken heart and maybe he would still be allowed close enough to Jaebeom as to… protect him. Or to work with him. Or work for him. Or anything, really. Jackson was okay with anything. 

He wasn’t okay with this suffocating silence though, so he got up. Felt the need to close the door shut, so no one could see, so they would have privacy. Even though privacy didn’t really exist since  _ day fucking one, when they were bathing together and Jackson got underwater as Jinyoung opened the fucking door without any damn shame _ . Jackson had to sigh every time he remembered that. 

His hands slowly landed on Jaebeom's arms, his chin resting on Jaebeom’s shoulder. “What are you preparing? Coffee with tears?”

Jaebeom smiled slightly, hand coming to wipe his tears away. He didn’t even say anything and he was already crying. He didn’t even look at Jackson and somehow Jackson knew he was crying silently. He probably realised Jaebeom would break up with him. “Sorry... I made coffee. Here’s yours.”

“And here’s a napkin for you.” Said Jackson, hand reaching for the napkin and then moving to wipe his boyfriend's tears. The napkin was taken away by Jaebeom, Jackson finding himself pouting as Jaebeom sobbed into his neck. Hands couldn't help, they pulled Jaebeom in a hug, and Jackson just let him cry for a few moments. 

“I don’t want to break up with you but I also don't want to restrain you from being with someone else that might make you happy. I love you, Jackson, I love you so much! But  _ he hurt you  _ and…”

“Hey…”

“If we keep this on, he’s going to get worse…” 

“And what exactly do you want to do?”

“I’ll try to fix him.”

Jackson couldn't help sighing. “Jaebeom… I don’t know what to say, but if you get hurt…”

“It doesn't matter. Anyway, I’m still going to need you close… if you’ll still want to be close to me.”

“I’ll see. If it hurts, I’ll probably move away slowly. But I think I  _ could be  _ a good friend. It would hurt a bit, but it would be better than nothing, right?”

“I’d love a friend…” This felt unreal. There were already salty tears trying to escape between Jaebeom’s numb lips, and his vision was getting slightly blurrier with every tear that fell on his face. He just couldn't help crying, his insides were hurting, his head was spinning and his mind was blank. He wished he wasn’t such a crybaby, yet tears just kept rolling on his face, he couldn't really stop them. 

“Honestly, you breaking up with me doesn't really break my heart, but seeing you like this does… I just hope…  _ Jaebeom, I just hope you know what you’re doing _ .” 

“I don’t think someone else could get Jinyoung as vulnerable as I can… the thing is… no one knows how to fix him because no one knows where he is broken. But I think I can find out…” 

“I thought that if you’d see him hurt, you’ll pity him like I pitied him… I must admit, I was wrong. I must say this, I never imagined we would end up at this point, but since we’re here… I have one last request.”

“Anything.” Jaebeom didn’t know what to expect, he expected either Jackson to ask him for a last kiss or Jackson to ask him something death-related.  _ Don’t stop me from killing Jinyoung if he hurts you again _ , or something like that. Jaebeom expected those, not what actually followed. 

“What’s mine I want to stay mine.” And Jaebeom really wanted to ask what he meant by that, but he started understanding right after Jackson took the pin out of his hair. “This, for example. It’s  _ our thing _ , you can still come to me to sharpen your pins into little weapond whenever.  _ Just don’t ask him to do this _ . Don’t lull him to sleep… Don’t cry into his coffee… Don’t c-” 

Jackson’s cheeks became wet with Jaebeom's tears as his mouth got filled with Jaebeom’s taste. Since it was their last kiss, Jackson gave himself permission to feel it, to give into it, to have it for one last time. Jaebeom's mouth was salty and literally tasted like tears, while Jackson’s was bitter. Just bitter. From the cigarette earlier and from the hollow feeling that started to fill him up slowly. From regret. From jealousy. From anger. From frustration. From sadness. From… everything. 

“Jackson, I promise what’s yours stays yours. And… I promise you I’m going to try to find a way! I can’t ask you to wait for me or be patient, but I’ll try my best to find a way for us.” Tears were suffocating and blinding Jaebeom again, and though it wasn’t any sort of cute, Jackson somehow still found it adorable. Jaebeom had cried so much in front of him, and while it broke his heart, he was also happy that Jaebeom’s feelings and words were  _ that real, deep, meaningful _ . Jackson was thankful. 

He won’t hide the fact that he cried uglier and more than Jaebeom that day. But he did it while being alone and no one could see. Once he started, he couldn't stop, no matter how dry his throat or mouth went or how fucking empty he felt. Maybe Jackson didn’t cry a lot, but he was a bigger crybaby than Jaebeom. He would never admit it though, but he cried a few times in front of Jaebeom too, mostly while telling him about his family. Actually, that was why Jaebeom lulling him to sleep was so important to him: after crying his eyes out, he couldn’t really sleep, but if Jaebeom was there to play with his hair and to sing a soft song for him, he could fall asleep. 

Too bad that night Jackson cried for two hours straight, with no one there to pat his head or to sing to him. And he couldn't sleep at all. In the morning, he showed up looking like hell, feeling a great hole where his chest was. But no one cared. Just like he expected. 

  
  
  
  
  


———

  
  
  
  
  


“We have a deal, then.”

“ _ Excuse me? _ ”

“We have enough money. And protection… protection is important. Especially since you only have a few men left.” 

Jinyoung wondered since when things had become like that. He doesn't hate it though, he is actually glad someone is always there to save his ass, to ground him, to yell at him and prevent him from making another fatal mistake. At first, he didn’t want to let Jaebeom help him; he found it shameful. Then he saw himself slowly going down, losing men, gaining less money. It was nothing tragic in particular, however, the loss of people soon became an issue, right after a big part of Jinyoung’s men being assassinated; after the almost-raid, Jaebeom started yelling at him continuously, called him reckless, heartless, and  _ a fucking useless imbecile _ , and somehow managed to take the matter in his own hands, despite Jinyoung trying to stop him from getting involved. Little by little, Jinyoung actually realised that Jaebeom  _ knew what he was doing _ , so… so he let him be. Because he needed this kind of help. He’s not even sure when Jaebeom’s status changed from a kaikei to something else — actually, Jinyoung didn’t know what status Jaebeom had anymore, because he wasn’t really an oyabun, like Jinyoung. He was the oyabun’s protegee, sometimes acting like a shingiin, sometimes acting like a saiko-komon, and sometimes being nothing more than a shatei, or  _ a little brother _ . 

It didn’t make a lot of sense, Jinyoung knew. But Jaebeom was an excellent adviser mostly because he had been a kaikei for a long time, and he always knew what they could afford or couldn't afford. He was smart as well, and he wasn’t as reckless as Jinyoung. On top of that, Jinyoung appreciated him putting their security first, and the business, on the second plan. 

“Who’s the fucking oyabun, again?” The man with the scarred nose asked, a bit confused. He was a thirty-something man, belonging to a clan that could offer protection in exchange for money. This was the meeting all about, in the end. “Is it you?” He asked as pointing his finger at Jackson, who had a cigarette between his lips and who reacted by lifting an eyebrow. 

“No, I’m the wakagashira.”

“Then is it you, dollface? You’re the oyabun? You look like a kid. But you have a big mouth.” He asked again, pointing towards Jaebeom this time. He sat between Jackson and Jinyoung, and he talked the most until now since he knew what the hell to say. He knew their budget and their necessities better than Jinyoung did, so he didn’t help talking. 

“I’m the oyabun.” Jinyoung said, suddenly straightening his back. “He is my husband and knows well our expenses and budget,  _ I chose to trust him with this _ .” 

“Alright,  _ little brother _ . So, do we have a deal or not?”

Jaebeom stole a glance at Jinyoung, then came back to looking at the man in front of him. “We really need your protection, so, please, let’s work well together from now on!”

The man with the scar on his nose grinned, pleased to hear that. They bowed in front of each other respectfully, and further, Jinyoung asked for someone else to discuss the details and to show to their new allies around. Jinyoung was the first one leaving after they were dismissed, and Jaebeom should have followed, but instead… 

“I’m going a bit into the office.”

“Alright, I’ll wait for you in our room, then. Please don’t get too worked up on this matter, it’s going to be fine.” 

Jaebeom knew. It  _ was  _ fine already. He let Jinyoung press a quick kiss on his lips, then watched his turned back, the suit on him, the man,  _ his husband _ , going back into his room. Into  _ their shared room _ . As letting his teeth sink into his lower lip, Jaebeom lowered his head to look at the ring on his finger. While the piece of jewellery didn’t mean they were married, not legally, at least, it meant that had a special bond and that they swore to each other loyalty, trust, comfort, affection. The ring was a decoration that would remind them about that whenever one of them would forget about it — whenever Jaebeom would start unpurposely abusing power or when Jinyoung would unpurposely abuse his husband. Well, that was another story anyway, and Jinyoung didn’t abuse him, not sexually or mentally. Jinyoung didn’t harass him or force him to do anything. Jinyoung was just…  _ overwhelming  _ at times. 

Yeah, it was true that Jinyoung changed a lot in the last two years or so, ever since Jaebeom chose to split up with Jackson and stay next to Jinyoung. Especially after they made the promises with the rings, Jinyoung really started trusting Jaebeom more and… eventually, they got into this point: married, almost, happy, almost.  _ Jinyoung was happy _ . He truly was, and it made Jaebeom happy to know that. Yet there still was something that prevented Jaebeom from actually being happy, too. 

He never managed to learn to love Jinyoung. Not like a husband. Not like a lover. He  _ loved  _ Jinyoung, like a brother, still. Like a best friend. Like a soulmate. He cared for Jinyoung, he wouldn have done anything for Jinyoung. He swore he would die for Jinyoung, if needed. 

However, there was something he could never give to Jinyoung, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he struggled; he could never give his heart to Jinyoung, because he was  _ sure  _ it already belonged to someone else. He just couldn’t, and he didn’t want to. Maybe in the further future, he will actually give his heart to Jinyoung.  _ Maybe _ . If he will ever heal. If his feelings for Jackson will ever disappear. About that Jaebeom didn’t know what to say, because sometimes he still couldn't look Jackson in the eyes, sometimes he still imagined and desired Jackson all over his skin, sometimes, when it was just him and Jackson, in a comfortable silence, Jaebeom’s throat would be filled and suffocated by unspoken “I still love you”s. He really hoped time would heal and erase, but since time didn’t heal shit in the last two years, he didn't really know anymore. 

“You’re here?” Jaebeom was a bit surprised to see Jackson into Jinyoung's office when he got in, as well. It was actually a bigger room, some sort of stock room. It wasn’t a fucking office, it looked nothing like an office, yet they still called it like that for some reason. 

“Mhm.” Jackson hummed, burning cigarette between his lips. He was smoking more and more, or that was what Jaebeom noticed. Not like he said anything about it though. 

Were they still talking? Well, not really. Not often. Sometimes they did. Only sometimes. In the end, Jackson was rather Jaebeom’s protector, not Jinyoung’s. Not anymore. Ever since Jaebeom stopped being a kaikei, counting money all day and dressing in beautiful yukatas, Jackson became his protector. Not like that meant much, Jackson was there on Jinyoung’s orders, to protect his husband whenever needed. Just that. 

“Do you think the clan is shady? What do you think? Did we- did  _ I  _ make a mistake by forming this alliance?”

“They seem alright. Don’t stress, they are in it for the money, they  _ will  _ protect us. They have to.” 

Yeah, Jackson was right… 

“Sometimes I wish I could go back to those times where I used to wear a yukata all day, count money and annoy Jinyou- sorry,  _ nevermind _ .” What has gotten into him to say that all of a sudden? He didn’t really talk to Jackson and Jackson didn’t care. This was embarrassing, so he had to cover his mouth with a hand and to find a reason to vanish from here. 

“And what’s stopping you from doing that?”

Well… nothing in particular. But it would be shameful. “I don't know, I don't want to be regarded as weak and I clearly don’t want our brothers to see me as…  _ Jinyoung’s housewife _ .” Jackson just shook his shoulders after hearing that. He probably didn't fucking care. He had no reason to. “Nevermind, really.” 

“Sometimes, I go by the river and think. Meditate. If I’m alone, I talk to myself in a low voice. I know it sounds stupid, I thought so too after I heard it from Youngjae, but give it a shot if you want. It’s a good way to clear your mind.” 

“I’ll try… thanks.” 

“By the way…” Jackson finally turned around, facing Jaebeom who already sat on Jinyoung’s chair, eyes travelling over the same documents he had been analysing for days now. Still, Jackson's tone seemed serious, so Jaebeom lifted his head to give him attention. “I know it’s pretty pointless, but… do you think you can teach Jihoon how to write and read? I mean, he knows the basics and all, but his skills are poor because he’s Korean and I can’t really do much for him since I’m Chinese and I’m not particularly good at Japanese. But you’re Korean, maybe you can teach him a bit, his Japanese is still limited and I just thought it would be good for him since he is still a child. I can’t really ask boss, he’ll see it as a waste of time. And I’m not forcing you either, it’s just a kind request. You can refuse if you don’t want to do it.” 

Jaebeom remained silent for a moment. He did not expect this, he really didn’t. He didn’t even know much about Jihoon, he only knew the kid was being currently trained by the big brothers so he could become like them when he grew up. Also, he was small, he was one of the youngest if Jaebeom remembered correctly; yeah, he almost jumped at Jinyoung's jugular and started some shit out of rage when he saw a few kids being brought by some of the oldest brothers. Not like Jaebeom didn’t realise those little boys had nothing left, no family, no home, nowhere to go… he knew. But the simple thought of training kids to become criminals made Jaebeom a bit mad at first. 

“I thought Akihiko was responsible for him.” Jaebeom mumbled though he knew it wasn’t like that. Jackson was responsible for the child, he just needed some help from time to time because he was also a protector for Jaebeom and also served Jinyoung. However, Jaebeom said that in order to appease one of his curiosities. 

A while ago, he saw Jackson and Akihiko kissing desperately while they were both half-naked. It kinda broke Jaebeom's heart since he never got over Jackson, since he still loved Jackson, since every small and accidental touch sent shivers down Jaebeom’s spine, filled his stomach with emptiness and his eyes with tears. At the same time, he knew he had no right to say anything or to feel anything. He had no right to be jealous. Jaebeom was Jinyoung's for quite some time, Jinyoung called him  _ husband _ , they  _ wore rings _ . Anyway, Jaebeom would like to know whether he should expect to see Jackson with Akihiko more from now on. He needed to prepare a coping mechanism for that, because laying on the bed and letting  _ his husband  _ fuck him rough didn’t work. No matter how much it hurt sometimes, Jinyoung couldn’t fuck Jackson out of Jaebeom’s mind. 

On top of that, Jaebeom wanted to talk to Akihiko sometime, maybe to tell him he got lucky. To ask him to take care of Jackson. To thank him for being next to Jackson. Stuff like that. Jaebeom would start crying whenever he would think about it, but he tried his best to get accustomed to the idea. 

“Oh, no, it’s me. Senpai is just watching over him when I can’t.” 

“And why don’t you ask him, then?”

A sigh. A long, exasperated one. Jackson looked a bit annoyed. And tired. “First reason,  _ he’s fucking dumb,  _ he doesn't manage better than me. Second reason, I don't really want to talk to him. It’s childish, I know it’s childish, but whatever.”

“Did you two fight or something?”

“No, we didn't. We just silently agreed to avoid each other.  _ You saw,  _ please,  _ this is embarrassing _ .”

“I promise you I didn’t see anything and my lips are sealed.”

“It’s not you, it’s him. He has his pride and as soon as somebody saw us, he pushed me away. It was just screwing around, I really don’t fucking care, it was embarrassing as hell anyway.”

“I thought you were lovers. You were cute together.”

“ _ Fuck no, please! _ No way!”

Jaebeom shook his shoulders, trying to apologize for making Jackson cringe this hard. Well, the senpai wasn’t Jackson's type at all, but since Jaebeom was a bit curious, he thought he’d ask. He didn't know if he should feel relieved or whether he should feel pity. Probably the second was the  _ correct  _ way of feeling, but Jaebeom felt a bit relieved, too. Eh… 

“I’ll try teaching Jihoon how to write properly. I’ll just try, I don’t think I’m good with kids, but it won’t kill me to try.” 

“Thanks a bunch. You’re the best.”

Jaebeom really wasn’t. But it would make Jackson happy, so of course he would try.  _ Anything…  _

When Jaebeom finally managed to return to his  _ husband  _ — still a heavy word for him — he felt drained. He barely had the energy to get undressed and climb into his and Jinyoung's bed, next to his husband. He felt Jinyoung back hugging him, kissing his neck and talking about this and that. But he had no energy left to react or to reply. Jaebeom would have loved to cry, alone, in silence. Just cry. Let it all out. Feel empty afterwards. He was sure that the next day he would go back to normal, but at the moment he was tired… 

“Aww, sleepy?” He heard Jinyoung’s voice, so he murmured a soft “yes” and closed his eyes. 

“Jinyoung…”

“What?”

“If I told you I want to go back to being an accountant…”

“Then I wouldn’t have to worry about you getting hurt. But still, why an accountant? You can be my advisor and the tattoo artist. I honestly prefer you over Bambam, he is still a bit inexperienced! Also…”

“Mm?”

“Jackson and not only Jackson said something about the kids. That they need someone to properly take care of them, because the big brothers are too harsh with them. You know, some of them are still kids, and it would be better not to let kids play with weapons and such. Plus, we  _ need men _ . I don't know, I was thinking about asking  _ you  _ to take care of the kids and to teach them stuff they should have learned in school, but I don't want this to be a nuisance to you, Jaebeom. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to turn you into a housewife.” 

The last words snapped Jaebeom out of his sleep, and made him frown. He  _ used them  _ earlier. This was weird. 

“I… don't know what to say. I kinda like not being looked at as a whore anymore.”

“Stop it, that’s not true, but I understand what you mean. The point is… what if we raised a child together? So, in case I die…”

“You won’t die.”

“Jaebeom… I’ve been talking to Jackson…”

“It's none of my business what you’ve been gossiping with Jackson.”

“No? I thought you’d be excited.”

“Not really…”

“I see. Does it still break your heart?” 

Jaebeom thought he didn't hear well. Or maybe he misunderstood. Confused, he furrowed his eyebrows and turned in bed until he faced Jinyoung, meeting a… a smile. He didn't even know how to act or what to say. 

“Go to fucking sleep.” 

“Jaebeom… sorry.”

What…? Sorry…  _ sorry for what _ ? “Jinyoung, go to fucking sleep, you’re saying stupid things that make no sense!” 

“Alright, you can lay your head down and close your eyes, but at least listen to what I have to say.” 

Jaebeom listens, but it feels like a dream. He has probably fallen asleep, but he doesn't wake up. He doesn't want to wake up. Somehow, he still hears Jinyoung, but he is also in his sweet, sweet dream, deep into this heaven-like slumber. 

He is wearing his softest, prettiest yukata again. It’s blue, a beautiful sky blue, and the material allows him to feel more comfortable again, to feel the breeze tingling his neck, playing with his large sleeves and caressing his ankles. Sharpened pins decorated with small blue flowers are keeping some of his black hair strands together, preventing them from falling all over his face. He is so fucking beautiful and he feels so free and weirdly happy for some reason. He doesn't even know where the hell he is, the landscape seems familiar, yet he can’t quite put his finger on where this is. 

He looks around, but as he gazes, as he takes everything in, it looks even more strange. There is nothing out there, yet for some reason, Jaebeom starts running. He is not afraid, it just feels like it is the only right thing to do.  _ Run.  _

His feet keep on moving, keep running. Nowhere, he is going nowhere, he is running from nothing and no one. This feels so right even though it is scary. Jaebeom feels so free, just like a small blue butterfly testing his wings for the first time. 

At one point, he stumbles over his own bare feet and hits the ground. This feels so familiar, there’s grass in the left and under him, all around him, but if he turns his head right, he can see the river.  _ The river. He knows where he is now.  _

He wants to get up, but he doesn't. His body feels heavy — no,  _ there’s something heavy on top of him.  _ As he looks down, he can see his chest, covered by the blue yukata. Pressed against his chest there is a head, and a body he is holding  _ so protectively  _ with a hand, so close to him, to his chest, to his heart. 

When he dares unpeel his eyes from the smaller body he is holding close to his heart, he looks up just for all of his senses to go numb at once. His body remains frozen into place, not even allowing him to close his eyes as he receives the sweetest kiss from a pair of bitter-tasting lips. Before he can process it, it’s over and the lips move to the little head pressed against Jaebeom's chest so they could deliver a kiss to it, too. His free hand moves by its own on Jackson’s neck, leaving Jaebeom gazing blankly as he notices that  _ there is no ring on his finger.  _

A giggle makes Jaebeom’s face and ears turn red. He is still confused, and there is still a lot of weight on top of him. “No, I want to stay here, with uncle Jaebeom!” Says the same childish voice that giggled, then a pair of dark brown glossy eyes look at him. There’s a smile, too, an innocent one. Black hair all over, pretty luscious, albeit messy. 

“But I want to stay with  _ uncle Jaebeom  _ too!” Jackson whines, but suddenly he turns his head afterwards, to the left side. Jihoon lifts his head from Jaebeom’s chest, and lifts out of the blue. The boy screams something, something that sounds good, but which Jaebeom cannot process just yet.

In a haze, Jaebeom sees himself in a strange house, making tea. A lot of tea. He wonders where the river has gone… where is the grass… why is his body moving on its own… 

It’s fine though, because the tea smells too good, and because Jaebeom is just  _ too good  _ at this already, like he did it everyday for the last couple of months. He takes the tea outside, where he sees the grass-covered land and the river again. And close to the river there are two figures —  _ three figures, actually  _ — and he  _ loves them all so much that his heart is bursting.  _

Quietly, he approaches the figures and sets the tea between them, somewhere in the middle, careful not to spill any. Jihoon is sitting comfortably in Jinyoung’s lap, showing him his practiced writing. Jinyoung looks so happy and proud, so he presses a kiss on the boy’s temple, then holds him just slightly closer to his chest. 

“Dad is so proud, Jihoon, you’re learning so fast!” 

“Still, when will I learn to be as strong as you, dad?” 

Jaebeom presses his lips together. He steals a glance at Jackson who is grinning, and who opens his mouth to answer. “Your dad  _ is strong _ , Jihoon, but he has a secret weapon that always helps him. Tell him about it, Jinyoung!” 

Since the boy wants to know, Jinyoung smiles as pressing another kiss to his boy’s temple. “It’s not just  _ one _ , there are two: one is older, tougher on the outside, powerful; the other may not look very strong, but it taught me how to aim, how to concentrate, how to think before shooting. And I’ve been abusing the strength of those two weapons for years, continuously… yet they still stuck to me, never let me down… always saved me, saved my life…” 

In this moment, Jaebeom looks at Jinyoung and at the boy he’s holding. It’s not Jinyoung's blood son, but it’s Jinyoung’s whole heart and soul, it’s Jinyoung’s life.  _ Jinyoung loves him so much,  _ because the boy is exactly the kind of love Jinyoung needed. The boy is both family and pure love. He is both Jackson and Jaebeom. And he is Jinyoung's. They are all Jinyoung’s… they are all full of love, all for Jinyoung. 

Maybe the three together didn’t work, but like this, they work so well. Their love is compatible, all compressed into Jihoon, the boy raised by the two uncles, the boy who is so spoiled and loved by his father. The boy who has it all. The boy who has all three. The boy who found the hardest to love man from the crowd and immediately turned him into the easiest to love person alive. Sure, he needed some guidance at first, but now he is on the right path, and as long as he has them all to guide him further, he cannot ask for more. 

Jinyoung didn’t need love. He didn't need romanticism. He needed his childhood and his soul back. His love for Jaebeom was rooted into childish jealousy, and he only realised that after he understood that he cannot fix much from the past, but that he can become better in the future. That he cannot have back the fatherly love he wanted so badly in his childhood, but that he can offer it to himself by offering his love to a child. A lost one, just like he was. Sure, sometimes he still feels lost… but whenever that happens, he just knows that Jaebeom and Jackson will be there to hold his hand and show him right the way. And he is so thankful for that. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> in case anyone is confused:
> 
> oyabun - the boss/head of the Yakuza  
> kaikei - accountant  
> shingiin - (law, affairs) advisor  
> saiko-komon - administrator  
> shatei - little brother  
> wakagashira - first lieutenant 
> 
> So much for that, I hope it makes more sense now!
> 
> Okay so I finally managed to wrap up with this (unexpected) series! I know the sequel is way lenghtier than the first part, I didn't plan on it being this long but god take the wheel. Also, I'm not super happy with the ending myself, but this is the best out of the few other options I had in mind for this story! I know it's not the happiest of endings but it's not the saddest either!!
> 
> All kind of feedback is very much appreciated! If you want to yell at me about this or got7 in general, you can find me on [twt](https://twitter.com/prdsnabi) or annonymously [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/prdsnabi)


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